Last semester, I had an existential crisis of sorts. A religious one. It was ignited by lots of factors. A philosophy class that raised the “Question of Evil,” coming down from the mountain post summer missions, not having a small group/mentor/ spiritual community I felt comfortable being open with in Starkville to name a few.
In addition to the question of evil, I wondered if God really existed and if he does, does he matter and care, and furthermore, why am I studying PR at a college in the Bible Belt. Basically I was questioning what’s the point of all this.
So I did what any good christian would do in our “hide your scars” and “walk it off” culture. I shut myself off. To God. To the Bible. To Church. To other Christians. I became “too busy” for BSU.
Until one day I had a conversation with a friend whose beliefs differ greatly from mine. Suddenly I realized that even through my dark place of seperation and doubt, I could not completely stop loving or believing in Christ and his salvation. And I found that I agree with most of what the Baptists believe. So much so that to hear someone down Christ or Christians hurts and saddens me.
Then I realized, I needed to tuck my tail between my legs and go to church and pray and read my Bible. EVEN WHEN I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT. Read more about what C.S Lewis has to say about that here.
I still don’t have the answers and I probably never will. I am not a great theologian who can convince you to become a christian like me. Even if I was a theologian, only Christ can do that. I realize that I could just be a crazy, superstitious person but when I pray, stuff happens and if you want examples, just ask.
I don’t believe in believing in God just because I’d rather be wrong and go nowhere when I die than not believe and be wrong and go to hell. That’s not what true Christianity is about. It is about believing something crazy. It’s called faith for a reason. I will probably always have doubts but thru it all I love Christ and am overwhelmed by his love for me.
All I know for sure is if our world doesn’t have a creator and savior, then I’d rather be crazy and happy than sane and miserable.
The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky[a] proclaims the work of His hands.Day after day they pour out speech;
night after night they communicate knowledge.There is no speech; there are no words; their voice is not heard.Their message has gone out to all the earth, and their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4