Reading through my old blog posts, my heart began to hurt. My pride was hurt. My self identity was embarrassed.
“Here is Jackie Giles!” shouted my blog. ” She struggles with being content in Christ’s love, living in the present and dealing with loneliness.”
At first, I wanted to start over- get a clean break. Blog about my successes. Like when I got an “A” in a class I struggled in or when something good happened and I was genuinely thrilled which is something I don’t get often and show even less often or that one time I had a spark of creativity and put pictures in the shape of a heart on my wall and it looked GOOD.
But then I remembered why I blog. I remembered what I am called to do.
I do not generally write for the masses. I do not write to present myself in the best possible light. I am egotistical and conceited enough in my current state (and isn’t that what Instagram is for anyway?).
I am called to write about my weakness for in that, Christ’s perfect strength is made known.
So yes, I have struggles. And yes, many are the same struggles that I think I have overcome. But if I could get over something that easy, it wouldn’t be a struggle. It wouldn’t be called “dying to self.”
So yes, I have struggles. And I am unashamed.
My name is Jackie Giles. I do not have a 4.0 GPA. I am a little overweight. Sometimes, my inner voice cusses. I am judgmental. I am discontent with my wonderful life. I sin. I neglect my savior. I have asthma, chronic hives, mastocytic colitis, migraines, and probably a connective tissue disorder.
But that’s not all I am.
I am intelligent. I am witty and funny. I am strong. When a problem comes my way, I deal with it. I am, at times, wise. I have a great memory for people’s names and random facts. I have wonderful friends and family. I am truthful about my faults and I am dealing with my issues openly. And in our modern society that encourages perfectly posed snap shots of life, choosing to reveal your weakness is incredibly brave.
Maybe I will start talking about successes more, but one thing is for sure. The minute I start hiding my faults on here is the minute I quit being true to myself and my purpose.